Oh my freaking gosh!!!! I’m pregnant. It’s crazy I know. I have so many emotions and of course I am excited, but I wanted to share this because I feel it is important.
1. As soon as I became pregnant (when I found out) I felt pressured to not tell people, or at least that’s what the internet told me because the fear of having a miscarriage and then having to tell everyone I lost the baby would be hard. I didn’t tell anyone because I thought I was protecting myself, but instead it drove me crazy. I had no one to talk to, and then it dawned on me, that how can people comfort me in my pain and sorrow if they had not experienced my joy as well. I quickly told my family and I started feeling better and thinking more positively.
2. Miscarriage sucks. Did you know that 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage? I didn’t know this. Why? Because as a society and community we don’t talk about it. We brush it under the rug. I think we believe it’s best to hide it but it only makes women who have a miscarriage feel like they aren’t normal, like their body isn’t working or somehow it is their fault and it’s not. Why are we still telling people to deal with all of this on their own instead of being open about it? Also if we talked about it more people would probably stop asking people who have miscarriages stupid questions or even passively blaming or making the woman feel guilty.
3. Being black and pregnant. When I met my midwife she asked me if I had any concerns and instead of saying no I cried. She watched as I desperately tried to wipe the tears from my face to show her I wasn’t going insane or super emotional but to no avail. When I finished crying she asked me once again if I had any concerns. I looked at my feet and said, “Did you know that black women are 4x more likely to die during childbirth?” I started crying again. We are 4x more likely to die not because of genetics, poverty, social status, you name it, but because we aren’t taken seriously. We die because when we say we are in pain our cries are heard, but ignored. When we appear sick, or off, our signs are not invisible, but overlooked and we are neglected. That’s why we are 4x more likely to die. Because the people who are supposed to help us and take care of us don’t. So yes, I have some concerns.
4. This post isn’t meant to be negative, but to be real. I just wanted other women to know you have options, tell people when you want to no matter how early or late or don’t tell them, but don’t feel pressured either way. Knowing your pain, questions or confusion is not an isolated case. You are not alone! For my minorities make your voice be heard and have these conversations with your OBGYN/ midwife. Finally enjoy your pregnancy! And milk it all the way until the end because you deserve every extra snack, gift, milkshake and massage that people offer and some.
I love you guys and am excited for this journey.
