Addiction to perfection leaves the individual stagnant.

A perfectionism that is so surreal we can only achieve it once in a blue moon can lead to fear of failure and a loss of desire, which stops us in our tracks, and we then fail for real.

Hello, my name is Asia, and I am a perfectaholic.

But lately, I have been wondering, “Is there room for perfectionism in motherhood?

For now, I want to focus on perfectionism in motherhood.

It is impossible.

And if for some extraordinary reason you are a mother reading this, and you have done the following:

• Have only cooked completely healthy meals in which your child eats every scrumptious morsel without making a mess, 
• Their room is ALWAYS spotless, 
• You never forget to pack a snack, 
• You never get frustrated or irritated all while taking care of yourself 

Then you, my friend, have proven me wrong, and I must know your ways.

However, if you are an imperfect mom as I am, you too must have discovered that perfection + toddler will not go well. Anything + toddler will rarely equal clean, neat, quiet, or smooth. Why? Because they are unpredictable. One day they like strawberries the next day, they only want to eat blueberries for every meal. One day watered down OJ is the answer to everything, while the next day, they stare into the depths of your soul while pouring it all on your floors, and then they give you a wicked smile. Why? Some might ask, who freaking knows why toddlers do what they do.

I used to think I had to be the best mom by doing EVERYTHING perfect. However, my idea of perfect was very skewed. I wanted to be a mom who has it all together, fed my kid only the best of the best, had a strict regimen that was never off track, and do it all on my own. I wanted moments in my life to look like that on tv and social media. 

Of course, I learned very fast that not many moms post their breakdowns because they need time alone. Not all moms post their frustration because they don’t want to complain or get criticized for venting. Additionally, not all moms post the community that supports them so that they may have breaks. We don’t always see the messy rooms, living rooms, high chairs, and cars that proclaim to the world a toddler or child lives here.

No, I usually see the perfect neutral-themed organizer with purposely placed toys, books, and if they are a super mom, maybe even an actual plant that is alive.

When I first gave my son fruit snacks, I felt like I sucked. Why couldn’t I make him a snack or at least provide him with something organic? I began to spiral out of control as I realized my desire to be the best was further than I thought, so why bother trying. Of course, a few minutes later, I knew I couldn’t give up, but I also learned that I have to be okay with the fact that I can strive to be the best mom I can be, but a great mom does not have to be perfect, so I can show myself grace and leave room for moments of growth.

The best type of mom to be is a great mom, not a perfect mom.

To do that, here are three things that have worked for me:

1. Change your mindset. When something doesn’t go as plan look at it as a moment of growth. Chaos is not always a failure for you or your child. You might need a little more chaos in your life.
2. Lean on your Community. No matter how big or small or who is in it, your community will keep you from going insane, especially in the moments when you need a break. Do not feel guilty for taking a break; you need it to be a great mom.
3. Know the difference. Seeking growth and improvement is good, while obsessing over perfection is detrimental to your health. You can and should always grow as a mother, and as long as you give yourself the space to do so, you will only become a better mom on this journey of motherhood.

It is not the end of the world if you made an omelet with fruit on Sunday, but you are too tired to get out of bed and make breakfast on Monday, so you opt for cereal or fruit snacks, Tuesday will still come, and as long as you don’t give up and try your best, you will get better and find balance.

Keep shining, Mama. We got this!