It takes a village
No one raises a child completely alone. The best way to raise a child is with the help of those you trust with your children.
While learning to be the best mom I can be, I have learned a few components of creating a healthy village. One of the components explores why it is necessary to have help. The other part addresses the hesitancy in receiving support.
Help is Necessary For The Best Parenting
My son is a little over a year and a half. He is twenty months for the people who still count months. It took me until he was precisely eighteen months old to allow him to stay the night at a family member’s house. It was my husband’s and my third anniversary, and we wanted to get away for a night. I was hesitant at first, but let me tell you, it was so rewarding. To be alone with my husband without worrying about my son was a nice change of pace. I could truly rest and enjoy myself without having to care for another human being. Of course, I missed my son immediately because I was not used to being away from him. But it was still lovely to have a break.
Breaks are significant as parents. I know you probably think, well duh, but somehow we all still manage to get trapped in a world where we feel the best way to parent or be a mother is to do it all alone. Getting help or wanting to take a break from your child has, for some unknown reason to me, become a negative thing. I am here to tell you that every mother needs a break!
It is during these breaks that you can recharge your batteries and recenter yourself. You can stand back and look at what you are doing well and reassess your parenting skills. Trying to parent all alone can leave you completely drained, with no time to grow. It also can make you focus on all the negatives of your child because you are so tired.
Remember that parenting is still a relationship even though it is a mother or father to child relationship. I say this because it is easier for us to accept that we need space from our siblings or friends. However, when it comes to our kids, we feel guilty if we take time away from them.
It is okay and necessary to take a break and have some personal space. Help is good.
Hesitancy In Receiving Help Is Normal
As a teacher, coach, and mentor, I have heard many stories of the abuse and neglect of adolescents from adults, kids, friends, family, and so on. I quickly learned from their stories and my own experiences that just because someone is nice or closely related does not mean they need to watch your kids. You don’t even need to hear their opinions.
Not everyone has the talent to be with kids, especially your own, so it is okay to be picky with who you want around them.
I also hesitate a lot because I have high standards for myself as a mom. Every day I try to be the best mom I can be, and I’m raising my son my way. In other words, I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment when someone might teach my son something I don’t want them to teach him or fail to meet my standards/expectations.
However, I have learned that even if someone teaches my son a bad word, it is not the end of the world. There must be a balance because it is impossible to find someone who will raise your child exactly the way you do. You will not find another YOU.
Building a community of people with similar values will help you choose who you want around your kid. Your style of parenting might be similar, which will bring you more comfort. I say similar and not identical because I still find learning from different parenting styles very helpful.
Finally, I must admit that I am a first-time mom, which impacted why I waited so long. Now that I know my son will be okay without me for a night, I feel better. I don’t think I will wait as long next time because I know who I can trust with my kids.
Once you get through the first night away from your child, it’s downhill from there! Take your time and go at your own pace because it is your child. But please take breaks because you deserve it.
Good luck, Mama!
